


I Just Need You

by FullmetalandtheFlame



Category: Holby City
Genre: Drug Addiction, F/M, Fix-It, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Nadani, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29651196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FullmetalandtheFlame/pseuds/FullmetalandtheFlame
Summary: Nadani S22E36 Fix-it. What if Jac hadn't turned her back on Kian when she found him after the shooting, wanting to take drugs? What might have happened if she'd shown him compassion and the two of them had stayed together.Because Nadani deserved a happy ending, and if the show won't give it to us then I will.
Relationships: Kian Madani/Jac Naylor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	I Just Need You

**Author's Note:**

> Like most Nadani fans, I was devastated by what happened in S22E36. I desperately wanted a happy ending for Kian and Jac, and I hated the ending of that episode. I know that the writers had to end that relationship because Rosie Marcel was leaving the show, but it was still really upsetting. They deserved so much better. So here's my rewrite to give my favourite characters the happy ending they deserved.  
> I'm planning on this being a multi-chapter work but this first chapter works as a one-shot as well. I have a longer story in mind and I've already planned out where I'm going to take these characters. However, I'm currently working on a story in the Anastasia fandom, and since I started that one first, it could be a bit before I can dedicate my time to this one.

It was over.

The police had taken control of the scene and Remi was being led away in handcuffs. In the back of Jac’s mind, she reflected that he probably had a concussion after being hit in the head first by Kian, then herself, but that would be the least of his problems now. 

Knowing she had two patients in critical condition, Jac had quickly taken charge, sending both Sarah Jane and the prison guard to be prepped for theatre. “Right, Chloe, you’ve got theatre one, we’ve got theatre two.”

“Right”

“Quickly. Go, go, go. Thank you.” She glanced around for Kian. He was supposed to be scrubbing in with her, but he’d disappeared shortly after the police had burst in. She spotted Nicky nearby, looking shaken but unharmed. “McKendrick, you okay?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah. Are you?”

“You seen Madani?”

“No.”

Starting to feel anxious, Jac strode away in search of the missing man. She started down a darkened hallway, the lights still out on most of the ward due to the lockdown. She came to the locker room and opened the door, peering inside. 

“Kian?” 

Seeing it was empty, she moved on to the supply room next door and froze. Inside, she found Kian hunched over an open medicine chest, needle and morphine bottle laid out on the table in front of him. 

He glanced up as she entered. His breathing was laboured, though he didn’t seem surprised to see her there. He stayed where he was, making no effort to hide the drugs.

“Tell me to stop,” he said, looking up at her in desperation. “That’s all I need here.”

Jac remained frozen in the doorway. 

Her first instinct was to walk away. To simply turn her back and leave it all behind her - the situation, the man, the entire relationship. And at one point, she would have done just that. It was the safer option. Opening herself up to loving someone also meant opening herself to being hurt. By pushing people away, she took away their power to hurt her. And Kian… she’d certainly given him that power. And yet, things had been different for the past year. She wasn’t the person she’d once been, and it was because of the man in front of her. The one who was looking to her for help while he fought an invisible battle in his mind. 

So pushing away her first instinct, Jac stepped into the room and leaned back against the door, shutting it behind her. Kian stayed where he was, waiting for her to say something. He looked so vulnerable in this state with his hunched shoulders and tired, almost pleading, eyes. His breathing was rapid and uneven, and a light sheen of sweat was forming on his forehead, as if the effort of resisting the drugs’ temptation was physically exhausting him. 

Doing her best to keep her voice steady, she said quietly, “Put it away, Kian.”

He continued staring at her for a moment before quickly nodding his head. Looking back down at the bottle of morphine and syringe, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, seeming to gather his strength. Finally, he picked the items up off the table and placed them back in the medicine chest before slowly closing the lid. He let out a long breath and took a step back, seeming to need to distance himself from the temptation. 

Jac watched silently as he did all this, letting out her own breath alongside his when he had put the still untouched drug bottle back where it belonged. 

That was a close call, she thought. If she’d been any later she would have found him shooting up, or already high, and it would have been too late to stop him. 

Then something clicked in her mind. How long had he been gone? It had been several minutes since she’d last seen him and it certainly wouldn’t have taken him that long to shoot up. And when she’d found him, he’d just been staring at the needle and bottle. He hadn’t even filled the syringe yet. How long had he been standing there? And the way he’d reacted when she’d walked in, he hadn’t seemed surprised. He’d seemed almost relieved, as if he’d been expecting, even hoping she would find him. He’d been holding himself back, she realized, desperately trying to resist the temptation to use again, but unable to find the strength to walk away. 

With that realization, Jac’s heart softened. She knew what it was like to not be in control of your own mind. To be at war with yourself. To do and say things that aren’t really you - that you don’t want to do. Remembering her own struggle with mental health, only a little more than a year ago, she thought of how she’d hurt so many people around her - Emma, Sacha, Fletch, Nicky, Chloe, and even Kian. But they’d all forgiven her, knowing it hadn’t really been her doing those things. Even though her situation was different, she realized that in her own way, she could begin to understand what he was struggling with. Now, recognizing that the two of them weren’t so different, she felt awful knowing she’d almost turned her back on him only moments ago.

Pushing away from her position against the door, Jac walked over to Kian and hugged him, gently wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

At first, Kian didn’t move, surprised by the gesture. Then he relaxed into the embrace, gratefully wrapping his arms around her in return. 

“Thank you,” he murmured. 

They held each other for a minute, quiet and unmoving. She felt Kian’s breathing even out and his heart, which she could feel hammering through his chest, gradually slowed. Her own anxiety from the day’s events, which she hadn’t even fully recognized before, began to dissipate as well. She hadn’t realized how much the day had affected her until that moment. She felt worn out, physically and mentally exhausted, and she suspected the man in her arms felt the same.

Finally, Jac released him and stepped back. “You okay?”

“Thanks to you.”

She nodded, smiling softly. Then, realizing it had been a few minutes since she’d first found him, she changed the subject, knowing they still had a job to do. “Listen, we can talk about this later. Right now, we’ve got to get to theatre. You’re okay scrub in?”

“Yeah. I’m good,” he assured her.

“Good. Let’s go, then. They’ll be waiting for us.”

He nodded, and together they went back to work.

. . .

Surgery went well with both Sarah Jane and the prison guard expected to make a full recovery. While Jac went to update Sarah Jane’s files, Kian checked in with Nicky to make sure she was doing alright and was pleased to hear that she and Chloe had reconciled. As he headed to the locker room to change out of his scrubs, Kian reflected that life-or-death situations always had major impacts on relationships. It either strengthened them, as it did with Nicky and Chloe or with him and Jac a year ago when they were in the Black Mountains, or it broke them. He could only hope that for him and Jac, it would once again be the former.

After changing back into his regular clothes, he found Jac in their office. She was sitting at her desk, unmoving and staring into space, her eyes vacant. After a few seconds, she registered his presence, giving him a small smile. 

He walked around to her side of the desk and leaned against the edge. “You okay?”

She leaned back in her chair and looked up at him. “If only we had a quid for every time we asked each other that today.”

Kian chuckled. “Maybe we should get McGerry to add that to our contracts.” He grew serious again. “Honestly though, you doing alright?”

Jac sighed. “I’m tired.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long day.”

“It’s not only that.”

Kian cocked his head to the side in question.

“This place, all the pressures and responsibilities, the memories. I’m just so tired of it all.” She paused. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Kian.”

Kian felt his heart drop as the weight of her words sank in. This was it. He’d promised he wouldn’t let her down, but today, just two weeks later, he’d done just that. And now it was time to face the consequences.

“You shouldn’t have to,” he said quietly, eyes downcast. “You were right. I let you down. You mean the world to me, and I never wanted to hurt you. But…” he trailed off, feeling a lump rising in his throat. He swallowed hard before finally making eye contact with the woman he loved. “You deserve better than me.”

“No, Kian, stop. I wasn’t talking about us.” 

Kian frowned in confusion, though he felt a spark of hope at her interjection.

“Look, what happened earlier, we can deal with that. But this place… I’ve been held at gunpoint twice, suffered a psychological breakdown, even lost my own sister, all in this hospital.”

Hearing the pain in her voice, Kian reached out and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder in support. 

She took a breath. “I’m tired of being in situations where I have to worry that my child will grow up without her mother.”

They were both silent for a moment, Kian running his thumb lightly back and forth across her collarbone.

“So what are you thinking?” he asked. “Do you want to quit?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” She stood up and moved to stand in front of him. From his position leaning against the desk, they were almost perfectly at eye level. She reached up and placed a hand on his chest. “But whatever happens, I don’t want to lose us.”

At her words, Kian relaxed for the first time since that morning before Sarah Jane arrived at Holby. So much had happened in the past 12 hours. That morning felt like days ago. So many times throughout the day he’d been afraid he’d lost her, either because she would finally decide she’d had enough and walk out of his life, or because someone tried to steal her life away. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her. But now she was safe, and she wasn’t going to leave him. And he would do everything in his power to make sure she didn’t lose him either.

“We’ll figure it out,” he promised. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you. You won’t lose me.”

She nodded, smiling softly. 

Reaching up, Kian lightly rested his hand against the side of her neck, his thumb caressing her cheek. They leaned in together, their lips meeting in the middle. The kiss was short and gentle, but it was full of love and promise of a future. 

When it ended a few seconds later, he rested his forehead against hers. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

After a moment Jac stepped back and crossed her arms. Kian knew her well, maybe even better than she realized. Her posture and body language changed, her expression becoming stricter as she put up an emotional wall, transforming into the infamous Ice Queen that was so familiar to all of Holby. Over the last year, Kian had seen less and less of that persona, becoming much more familiar with a different side of Jac, especially when they were alone. Seeing her put up that barrier again, he knew what she was going to say before the words left her mouth.

“Tell me what happened earlier.”

Kian’s thoughts slipped back in time, replaying the confrontation between Jac and Remi. He remembered the panic he felt as the exchange became increasingly heated, the dread as Jac refused to back down despite his pleading, and the terror of knowing what would happen if she pushed Remi too far. What made it even worse was knowing that he was powerless to stop it. And then it all culminated in one of the most horrifying moments of his life. He’d watched helplessly as Remi exploded with rage, pointing the gun directly at Jac’s head and pulling the trigger. 

“When he pulled the trigger, I thought I’d lost you. All I could see was what would have happened if the gun hadn’t jammed. Knowing how close I came to watching you die right in front of me…” He closed his eyes tight against the memory “I couldn’t get that image out of my head. I couldn’t cope. So yeah, I wanted to take. Just drown it all out.”

“Like you did after Vanessa?”

He felt a stab of pain at the mention of his late wife. “I can’t seem to escape this cycle of death. First Vanessa, then Bea, and now you… I can’t help but destroy those I love. Still think I’m not cursed?”

“I’m fine, Kian. You haven’t destroyed me. What happened today with Remi was not your fault, and neither is what happened to Bea or Vanessa. You need to stop blaming yourself for every bad thing that happens. The only person you’re hurting is yourself.”

He was silent for a moment. He’d heard those words before. She’d told him the same thing after he’d goaded Phoenix into beating him within an inch of his life. But hearing it again didn’t make it any easier to accept, especially when he’d come so close to losing her. But he knew, for both of their sakes, that he had to try.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I should have come to you.”

“You should have,” she agreed. Though to Kian’s surprise, her voice was soft, far from the harsh, accusatory tone he’d been expecting. “But I understand why you did it. You’d only been sober two weeks, you were bound to be tempted at some point. And after a traumatic experience… What matters is you’re still sober, and making sure that this doesn’t happen again regardless of the circumstances.”

Kian nodded, grateful for her understanding and continued support. He knew that things could have gone very differently after she’d found him in that supply room.

“For what it’s worth,” he said, “I was hoping you would find me. I wanted to stop, I just couldn’t find the strength to do it on my own.”

“I know. And it’s worth a lot.” She gave him a reassuring smile. Taking a breath, she said, “I finished the notes. You ready to go home?”

He nodded, returning the smile. “Absolutely.”

. . .

Ten minutes later, they were walking out the front door and into the cool evening air. The sun had set some time ago and a light rain was beginning to fall. Since their shifts had started at the same time, Jac and Kian had ridden together. At Kian’s insistence, he’d driven his Maserati. She’d mocked him in the past for owning such a ridiculously expensive car, asking if he was compensating for something, though she could now admit with satisfaction that there was nothing he needed to compensate for. She also had to admit that it was a  _ really _ sweet car, and she knew one day she would convince him to let her in the driver’s seat.

They’d only made it a few steps out of the hospital when someone called their names. Turning, they saw Sacha heading toward them, also looking like he was leaving for the day. 

Catching up to them, he said “It’s so good to see you both after today.”

“Yeah, it’s been a hell of a day,” Kian said.

Jac hummed in agreement. “Quite literally.”

“I imagine. But I’m happy you’re both unhurt.”

Just then, Kian’s mobile began to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and checked the screen before looking up apologetically. “Sorry, I should take this.”

As he walked away to take the call, Sacha turned back to Jac. “Are you doing okay?”

“Well, I didn’t get shot this time.”

“Mm, at least that’s an improvement. And other than that?”

She offered him a tired smile. “I’ll be fine, Sacha. I’ve just got to sort some things out. Decide if I really want to stay here after everything. I’m tired of having a gun pointed at my head.”

“I can’t blame you. You know if you need anything or just wanna talk, you know where to find me.”

“I know. Thanks.”

“So,” Sacha said, a grin breaking out across his face, “you and Kian are still together are you?”

“We are.”

“And? Is it official or are you still in the ‘It’s complicated phase’? Last I heard you hadn’t even told him liked him.”

“It’s official,” she confirmed. “No one knows though. Well, except Nicky but that’s only because she overheard us.”

He cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Overheard…” he trailed off, his mouth falling open and grinning widely. “Noooooo!” he said through barely restrained laughter. “She overheard you two - “

“No!” Jac cut him off, not needing to hear the rest to know what he was thinking. Still, she couldn’t help but laugh. “It was nothing like that. Now Chloe, she did come very close to catching us together in an on-call room.”

Jac didn’t think it was possible, but somehow Sacha’s jaw dropped even lower as he roared with laughter. Jac pushed her hair back behind her ear, a little embarrassed by her own admission. Though it was good to see Sacha laugh again. 

He finally managed to pull himself together, wiping tears out of his eyes. “So? What did Nicky overhear?”

“Just talking,” she said cryptically.

Sacha waited, clearly expecting her to elaborate. When Jac bit her lip but remained silent, he prompted, “Talking about…”

Knowing he wasn’t going to drop it, she admitted, “I told him I love him.” Her words were met by stunned silence, his mouth agape once again. She raised her eyebrows. “Careful, you’re gonna start catching flies in there soon.”

He finally seemed to regain his ability to speak. “You’re in love with him? And you actually admitted it?” 

“That is what I just said.”

“And does he feel the same?”

“Yeah. We actually just started living together a couple weeks ago. 

Jac rolled her eyes at his proud smile, though she couldn’t hide the one spreading across her own face. Before she could stop him, Sacha had engulfed her in a massive hug. She patted his back awkwardly for a moment before trying to pull away. “Okay, thanks. You can let go now.”

“Right, sorry.” He stepped back, still smiling happily. “Really, Jac, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.”

“Wow, what’d I miss?” Kian said, chuckling. Jac turned to see him rejoin them, tucking his phone away in his pocket as he moved to stand beside her. 

Pointedly ignoring his question, she nodded toward the phone. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah it’s nothing,” he reassured her. “Just Marty checking up on me. He was home when it all happened but he saw it on the news. But! More importantly,” he leaned toward Sacha and whispered loudly, “did you just get Jac Naylor to hug you?”

“You know, I think I did. She definitely hugged back for a second there.”

“A whole second?” Kian looked suitably impressed. “Giddyup! That’s amazing! C’mon, what’s your secret?”

“Oh, I assure you, it was involuntary on my part.” Jac interjected.

“Involuntary. Sure, we’ll go with that.” Kian said. 

Jac fixed him with her infamous glare which, she noted with dismay, only made him grin wider.

“Don’t worry, Naylor,” he said, patting her on the shoulder, “we won’t go spreading it around. Wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation.”

“You’re impossible,” she grumbled.

“You love it.”

Jac just rolled her eyes again, unable to deny it but unwilling to give him the satisfaction of admitting it either. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sacha shaking his head in amusement.

“You really have met your match, Jac. You two are made for each other.”

Despite her (mostly) feigned annoyance, she smiled. Because she  _ had _ met her match with Kian, and as much as that annoyed the hell out of her when he first started at Holby, she was grateful for it now. It made them good partners, both in work and in life. They could support and understand each other. And as much as she hated to admit it, the fact that he was willing to stand up to her meant a lot. She wanted someone who could be her equal, and for that she needed someone who wasn’t afraid of her. And Kian had made it abundantly clear since he arrived at Holby that he was anything but afraid. But she also knew he respected her a great deal, as she did him. He was one of the few people she’d met in her life that truly felt like her equal. Perhaps they  _ were _ made for each other. 

So instead of firing back with a sarcastic quip, she looked at the man beside her. “I know.” Not caring that they were still in the hospital car park, she took his hand with her own, squeezing it gently.

Clearly taken aback by the public display of affection, Kian quickly recovered, smiling fondly and interlacing their fingers. 

Just then, the rain turned from a light drizzle to a steady downfall.

“Well, on that note, I’ll let you both go,” Sacha said, pulling out his car keys. “I was just heading home myself. Have a nice evening.”

“Night, Sacha,” Kian replied.

As the bigger man turned to walk away, Jac called out, “Sacha!”

He turned back around.

“Thanks. It was good to talk to you again. We should catch up properly soon.”

He nodded, smiling. “Yeah, that would be lovely.” Then he continued on his way..

With that, Jac and Kian headed toward their car, walking through the car park hand in hand. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> It will probably be awhile before the next chapter is posted, as I'm currently writing another story for a different fandom that I actually started before this. For anyone who is reading my "Anything For You" Gleb/Anya story from Anastasia, don't worry! I'm still working on it! I have a few more chapters written and I'm still working on it. But this episode happened and I had to write the first chapter of this fix-it story to give myself some closure.


End file.
